[DOF} Selflessness

Selflessness
by: Lavanders_blue

In one of the many seminars I have attended during my previous employment, there was one activity that I remember with fondness.  It involved knowing oneself more and being able to realize specific contributing factors into what a person has become.  The speaker made us answer one question, "What is "the one thing" your mother has taught you and how has it affected and influenced you?".  I remember staring at my seminar module trying to sort out my thoughts, then it hit me.

The one thing my mother has taught me was the act of selflessness.

According to Cambridge Dictionary, selflessness is defined as the quality of caring more about what other people need and want than about what you yourself need and want.  Pausing for awhile as I scribbled on my answer sheet, I thought about what is in Filipino culture that best describes this word selflessness, and I realized it happens on a daily basis in most households here in my country.  My mother had a full time job as an accountant, she sold jewelry on the side for some extra income and no matter how exhausted she was, she made sure breakfast was served and my brother and I would always have packed lunch to bring to school for the day; but I did not see selflessness in that as a child, to me at that time, it was her duty as a mother. 

I believe the first time I actually understood what selflessness truly meant was through dinner.  My mother cooked fish and here in the Philippines fish is served with bone, head and tail. She would usually buy a bigger fish and then cut it in half, for me and my brother to share and another, cut also in half for my parents to share.  And since my brother, who is older than me, has no idea how to de-bone a fish without the use of tweezers, my mother would always remind me, in front of everyone else, "leave the head part for your brother" simply because that part has less bones. And everytime we had fish for lunch or dinner, it became automatic for me to get the tail part without being told to do so. Selflessness also came in the form of chocolates, my brother loves nuts so he gets the ones with nuts and everything else that does not have nuts would be mine.  Selflessness was so automatic for me that it became a routine. My mother no longer had to tell me, "always consider what the other members of the household cannot have". Over the years, I made mental notation of what my grandmother cannot eat, what food my grandfather is allergic too, which chicken part can my brother eat up to the bone, and which type of rice would my father prefer to have; it was never about what I wanted or preferred, my mother would always tell me, "you eat everything anyway" but deep inside I wanted to say "it is because you trained me to eat anything and everything, why can't my brother be trained like that as well?".

Throughout my teenage years, I somehow resented this selflessness business that my mother had bombarded me with that it felt more of an obligation than willful giving. I was tired of getting wings and neck chicken parts to eat while my brother gets the thigh or the leg and sometimes even both; I honestly thought it was unfair.

But the fruit of life's lessons reveal themselves to us in many unexpected ways. Although the problem with putting other people first is that you also teach those around you, you come in second, selflessness prepares you for life ahead. Through selflessness, I am able to eat anything served to me. I do not have any issues if someone ordered buffalo wings during a meeting simply because I am used to eating wings. Because of selflessness, I am able to easily adjust to whatever is available or at hand.

It may seem unfair if you look at it from another perspective; but wouldn't life be a lot easier if we were all selfless?

Your thoughts .....